9th January 2015
I will be the first to admit that I completely loathe winter. I am never warm enough, travel becomes difficult when it’s even a possibility and sky remains a consistent gray hue. It is so simple being sucked into a negative perspectives, and become cynical but in the words of one of my newly favorite characters, Hank Moody, it’s time to, ‘Dare to be an optimist.” One thing I will admit to love about my least favorite season is the snow.
29th December 2014
There are days when nothing gets in my way and I feel unstoppable and ready to take on anything crossing my path. I know I can do anything, or at least I’m confident I can make a gallant attempt. I hope for these days because it feels good to feel good. Today, was not one of those days. Today was Monday, and definitely one to remember, and I hope to not repeat.
Everyone in the office this morning seemed to be in an off mood. Some people are still on vacation, and others, including me, were coming down from their holiday high. I was off to rough start this morning right away because I had the worst night’s sleep, and I woke up late, but I did manage to wear a new outfit that unfortunately was appropriate for my mood for the rest of the day. All black. When I went into the office, nothing was working. My page layout was all over the place and any attempt I made at piecing everything together wasn’t working, and it took me an extended period of time to finish and it, which made me the last one to meet deadline. At this point everyone was silent. This isn’t typical with my group of co-workers, but this didn’t last long because suddenly, two people cracked, and the room exploded.
22nd December 2014
I recently started watching “Californication” because I love David Duchovny and a good netflix binge. I’ve learned two things as I’m approaching season 4.
1.Even if something feels right, doesn’t mean it is
2.I’m staying clear of any men from L.A. (slightly kidding)
In the beginning of the series, I was really hoping for the big Karen/ Hank reunion. I really wanted them to work everything out and get their acts together and embrace their true feelings and raise Becca as normally as possible. But alas, they are still in limbo even though she left her husband on her wedding day, only to jump in the back of Hank’s convertible.
Hank can’t conquer who he truly is, which he shouldn’t. He wants to save all women and that makes me love him, but mostly hate him at the same time. I have found myself now hoping that Karen and Hank will just remain civil and not end up together. It is evident from the way they seem (so far) that they should be together and spend the rest of their lives together, but they just keep tearing each other apart. Just because something is so painfully obvious, doesn’t mean it should actually be anything at all. This is what makes things so difficult to understand sometimes because it’s so hard to deny something that makes sense and feels right. It’s especially hard because I know what I want and when it doesn’t work, it is devastating.
18th December 2014
I haven’t really been in the Christmas spirit this whole month. Last weekend, I went to see “A Christmas Story, The Musical” at the theater, and that put me a little closer, but still not in full Christmas mode. I don’t know if it’s because it hasn’t snowed much (yet) or what it is exactly, but I was starting to think that my Christmas spirit wasn’t going to fully hit until it was actually Christmas day. That completely changed tonight.
Working this cops beat has been an interesting ride so far. I’ll admit, most of the stories I write aren’t glamorous and are usually written with negative connotation. Tonight, was completely different. Tonight, I traveled with 14 officers and 12 children ages 2-10 and their families to go Christmas shopping. This event is called “Shopping with Heroes” and it truly brought the meaning of Christmas to life.
10th December 2014
Last night, as many others I am certain, I watched the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. This isn’t something I started watching until I was in college. All of my girlfriends would always gather in our living room with wine and usually we would quickly regret the pizza we were shoving in our mouths. We continued to sit in awe watching these seemingly perfect women strut down the catwalk. We all wanted to be them. I wanted to sport my own pair of angel wings and leave an impression like they did with me. This year, there was something was different about the show. This year I found myself envious, but not because of their toned abs, or their muscular legs that are twice the length of mine or that they are all apparently best friends with T-Swift. This year, the first thing I noticed about these women was their confidence.
2nd December 2014
Working for my local newspaper for a few weeks now has certainly taught me a few things and makes each day a new experience. I am in my daily routine now of collecting arrest and accident reports and communicating with the sheriff’s department on a daily basis. Of course, with all the excitement coming from the police department and court systems, there is also the surge of stress when it comes time to write an obituary. I didn’t think I would enjoy this part of the job description and I really thought it would be more depressing, but it turns out, even the most absurd things can still teach a valuable lesson.
I was writing one of my very first obituaries the other day and I was warned that it was “a different and trickier obituary” in comparison to the others. As I started writing about this man’s life, it struck me suddenly, that there are so many rules to writing these, because this is potentially the final thing written for someone.
Suddenly, I was terrified.
25th November 2014
I was sitting with my nana the other morning and as we were sipping on our freshly brewed coffee, our conversation shifted dramatically from Christmas decorations to her asking about my life. My nana and I have such an unique bond, and I can tell her anything, and I really treasure our conversations, especially when it is just between the two of us. I looked at her and in the most maternal tone she asked, “so, are you happy?”
10th November 2014
Something I have found myself questioning repeatedly, that I probably will never have one concrete answer to is, what do I want want from this life? I know where my passion is, and I am working on creating something out of it, but more importantly, I keep asking myself: why do I want to? I have a myriad of ideas and I am always wanting to create something from them. The more work I put into one project in particular, the more I have found myself coming to a standstill, and then it dawned on me, I approached this book with a complete backward justification the minute I started thinking I was creating it for someone other than myself.
I think when we are younger, we have feel the need to have a sense of status in our society that only continues to develop as we mature. This, I believe stems from several places, but nonetheless, we feel this sense of entitlement. I remember feeling the need to look a certain way at school in order to fit in and just be cool. That got old very quickly when I realized I looked like every other girl in school and so I changed that immediately and embraced my personal style. I dropped the “popular” labels and finally felt like me and had everyone ask where I bought my clothes and every time I refused to tell them. I wish I could say I accomplished this in other aspects of my life, but things take time, especially confidence when you know you are different.
3rd November 2014
I try to learn to something new and find inspiration every day. I recently began working as a substitute teacher and to my surprise, these little humans are full of my favorite things; sass, spontaneity and brutal honesty. They have no idea how much they have impacted my life in the short span of two weeks.
My first day as a substitute teacher, I found myself sitting in the classroom a full 45 min early and impatiently, yet nervously waiting for 21 third graders to walk into the room and fill their desks. As the final bell rang, a surge of anxiety kicked in. I had read the lesson plan over and over, and strategized the most efficient way to teach elapsed time, and I felt fine about each lesson, but I still questioned whether or not I was truly suitable for this position.
23rd October 2014
Family is the most important thing to me. Along with my family comes many traditions, which are also important to me. When I was younger, I didn’t appreciate any of this the way I do now, and I know this comes with maturity, but I am happy to realize this now. I have also realized every time my mother said, “at the end of the day, family is all you have,” she really was right. One newer tradition we have started is traveling as a family to attend a Dallas Cowboys football game in October.
I always look forward to this trip and watching the Cowboys play as a family, not only because I can wear my Dan Bailey jersey and sequined Dallas Cowboys hat, but also because it always takes me back to when we would gather around our living room television and cheer for these strangers in silver and navy shiny pants that I felt like I knew. Emmitt Smith will always hold a special place in my heart for this reason.